happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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