Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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