My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
