all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to calm my uterus...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
