I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
