just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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