So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
