I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
