He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love you. Go after that dick
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
