i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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