he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
