I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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