And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ketchup is God's man juice
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
