Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize