I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
