the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
