genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
