well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
