I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
