apparently the secret to your success is patron
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize