Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
