Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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