Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
