well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
