I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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