I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
