what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
