thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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