Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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