Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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