Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.

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(928): View more from Arizona

i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now

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(805): View more from California

We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.

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(626): View more from California

Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.

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(661): View more from California

I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

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(831): View more from California

WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?

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(407): View more from Florida

this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks

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