you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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