census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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