sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize