I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
