I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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