explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think people are normalizing furries
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize