the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
