I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
