Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Someone came in the potted fern
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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