my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize