So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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