I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
