yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
