are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
