What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize