I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
