There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
