we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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