1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
