Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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