Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
