I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
