Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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