@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
