Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize