My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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