I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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