I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
