i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
