i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
