New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
