i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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