i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
