omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
