There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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