I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
