I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
