Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
