I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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