I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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